Feeling appreciation: How to be grateful in hard times?
Being appreciative during hard times is probably the last thing you want to do. I’d like to show you how developing a daily gratitude practice can help you go through the pain and shift your perspective.
Feeling appreciation: How to be grateful in hard times?
The month of November tends to bring an invitation to focus our minds on appreciation and gratitude. For many, the Thanksgiving celebration kicks off a season of holiday gatherings where there can be an expectation to “count our blessings” and be joyful. But if we are honest, it can be difficult to be grateful in hard times.
As a therapist offering Christian counseling in Chicago, I often witness how stress and worries, whether from work, never-ending to-do lists, family tensions, illness, grief, or the pain we see in the world, can distract us from noticing anything good. When we feel like venting, complaining, or isolating (and understandably so), practicing appreciation can feel counterintuitive. Yet, it might be exactly what we need.
What is appreciation?
When hearing the word appreciation, we may immediately think of feeling thankful or grateful, of being pleased with an outcome or with something that has been received. While thankfulness and gratitude are present when we experience appreciation, we encounter joy, and joy tells us that someone is glad to be with us. We are also recognizing that someone or something is valuable.
Appreciation is cultivated by times in our lives when we have felt joyful, peaceful, accepted, and/or connected to others, nature, or activities we treasure and enjoy. Having these experiences and intentionally recalling the memories later trains our minds to notice and look for the good things in life.
How can feeling appreciation benefit me? Insights from Christian Counseling in Chicago
This is a question I often explore with my clients during our Christian Counseling sessions. Focusing on appreciation activates our relational mind, helping us become more open to receiving from others. Modern brain science shows that keeping our minds in a state of appreciation can enhance our capacity to stay connected to those we love, including God and spirituality, building resilience during painful situations.
Slowing down and focusing your attention on a pleasant experience can also help reduce stress, increase relaxation, and develop a fresh perspective.
How can I practice appreciation? Tips from a Christian Counselor in Chicago
Developing a daily gratitude practice could only take a few minutes of uninterrupted time. Here are three simple steps to help you get started:
1. Recall.
Take a moment and think of a time when you felt joyful, peaceful, connected, or accepted. As the memory arises, give it your full attention for 2-3 minutes. You can increase the time up to 5-8 minutes as your practice becomes consistent.
Avoid memories that may bring pain, for example remembering a wonderful dinner you had with a close family member who recently moved far away. Focus on purely joyful memories, like taking a walk in your favorite spot or playing with your puppy. Some memories may carry high energy of joy to your mind while others could carry quiet energy and peace.
2. Connect with your senses and your body.
As you are focusing on the memory, remember what you saw, heard, smelled, touched, or tasted at that time and any important details that can help you fully connect with the memory.
What emotions or sensations do you notice in your body as you connect with the memory? Is there a tingle, a release, or a temperature change? Perhaps there is a feeling of calm, or excitement. Where does gratitude or the sense of appreciation "live" in your body? For a few breaths notice any body sensations you are experiencing as you connect with appreciation from the memory.
3. Write it down.
Write down any body sensations you noticed and observed to help integrate the feeling of appreciation from the memory. Writing it down helps you solidify your experience of gratitude and come back to it later. This is an important step, intentionally recalling the memories later is what trains our brains to notice and look for the good things in life!
Appreciation is a simple yet powerful resource that can help you stay relational, build joy capacity during difficult times, and reshape your perspective to a more life-giving one with practice.
Download a PDF of your daily gratitude practice here.
References:
Merriam-Webster. (2022). Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/
Brown, A. (2021). Journey Groups: Level One: A Relational Discipleship Experience. Deeper Walk International.
K.D. Lehman MD. (2011). Brain Science, Psychological Trauma, and the God Who Is with Us, Part V: The Immanuel Approach, Revisited.
Schedule a free consultation for Christian Counseling in Chicago
Ready to make appreciation a part of your healing journey? Developing a practice of gratitude can help you feel more connected to yourself, your relationships, and your faith. It can help you navigate challenges with greater peace and resilience, leading to deeper, more authentic connections with those you love.
Schedule your free 15-minute consultation today to explore how Christian counseling in Chicago can support you in creating the change you’re looking for in your relationships and life.
Lisaura offers individual relationship counseling, dance therapy, and couples workshops to help adults connect with themselves and others more deeply.
Spanish-speaking services are available as well.
